Early on in my motherhood, I found myself praying one day about being a mom. Mom'ing is hard ya'll. No instruction book, just a mix of guidance or examples from others, winging it and a prayer. I don't want to mess it up (even though I feel like I am daily), and so I wanted to know what God wanted from me for them. I didn't feel or hear an answer right away and so I waited, hopeful, that I would at least get some kind of clue as how at least attempt to keep them out of therapy at adults.
One day, Kate was asking for something and I couldn't even tell you now what it was, but the phrase, "everyone in my class has...." Know that phrase? Heard it? Sometimes it's "all my friends get to..." or "so and so doesn't have to..."
The standby reply was ready to come and after the "they're not my kids, you are" spilled out, I found myself continuing the conversation with her when normally, that was that.
It was followed with this question: "Katie, what's my job as your mom?"
*insert blank stare*
"Kate, what's my job as your mom?"
*continual blank stare*
And then, like I'd rehearsed it 100 times before, these words followed...
"To protect your mind, heart, body and soul. To make sure what's going into your mind is safe and appropriate, that your heart is protected from hurt and continually affirmed, to make sure your body is safe, respected and healthy and to make sure you are spiritually fed and serving God."
That was it. That's what God wanted from my motherhood and He spoke it through me, to her, in a moment we were both listening.
My job is not to be my kid's friends. Yes, when they are grown, I hope the relationship we've built through their childhood will yield a close bond and friendship, but right now, I'm not here to yield to their every whim. They can't make the right choice in every situation and my job is to be here to help them do just that. To train them up to be good, loving, healthy, followers of Christ.
So, not focusing on whether or not they like me, means some times those choices are hard ones. Choices they '"hate" me for or choices that seem unfair.
Some of these choices make our kids the "left out" kids because we are doing our best to protect them from an ugly cruel world.
It's why we've chosen for them not to have their own phones at young ages. In an effort for transparency, Kate will be getting one soon, but it will be extremely limited on what she's able to access and will full disclosure that we are the ones in control of it. Yes, that means we'll read every text she sends or receives and she's totally okay with that.
It's also why we are extremely picky about who's house they'll go hang out at and the list of who's house they can sleep over at is even smaller.
They've never been allowed to have elementary school boyfriends and we don't encourage crushes.
It's why they don't have TV's in their rooms or free reign on the internet. It's why they aren't allowed to watch certain tv shows, movies or read certain books. Because our jobs are to protect their minds, bodies, hearts and souls and everything going into them.
What or who we allow access those parts of them will shape who they are. Shouldn't we all want to be so cautious of what's filtering through to these parts of them?
I need it to be crystal clear that I am in NO WAY judging any other parenting methods or would ever say that if you don't parent like us, you're doing it wrong. I am not that kind of momma.
I'm also not in any way judging my kiddos friends or their parents. I love the ones they have dearly. They've done a pretty great job of picking their own little circles. This is just us. This is what I prayed for God to show me. It's just how we are doing it.
In a world where children are being sexualized younger and younger, being told to look or act a certain way by peers, a pervasive social media presence, violence becoming less and less shocking and self worth so deeply tied into what other's think about us, I feel I would be failing as a parent if I was not trying to make sure I was doing everything I could for them to be and feel safe.
We want our girls to know that their value isn't tied to which boy does or doesn't like them.
We want our girls to know that not fitting in, is totally okay, if fitting in means going against their character and morals.
We want our kids to experience the things around them, not just see them on a screen.
We want their sleep to be peaceful and not full of nightmares of things their eyes have seen.
We want our kids to get to be kids.
If wanting all of these things for them deems us "helicopter parents" or them "sheltered", then so be it.
It's our job.
To protect their hearts, minds, bodies and souls.
And we take it pretty seriously.
It's something maybe even as adults we should be better at for our own self. To be more aware of protecting our minds, our hearts, our bodies and our souls.
So now, when I hear those frustrating words "But... (insert phrase of injustice here)" I reply with, "What are our jobs?" and they reply, "To protect our minds, bodies, hearts and souls" and then we discuss what part of that action conflicts with that calling. They get it. Do they always like the answers? Oh Lord no. Does that always end the conversation or keep us from arguing? Ha! No.
But they're understanding better, deeper why we make the decisions we do and I think that is garnering a least a little more respect for our choices. More so than this, they're quickly finding we won't make choices on what they can or can't do based on what another kid can or can't do.
They're not my kids, Katie and Abby. You are. And I love you.
Love this one, so much, hit home for me, in so many ways. I will have to read this one again...great job!
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