Contagious Kindness...

Is this something you've ever experienced before? Contagious kindness? You know, that one act of nice someone did for your or for another that caused you to carry it forward? Isn't it beautiful?

Kindness is a funny thing. We treat it often like it is a rare commodity instead of a vast ocean that simply cannot run dry. Whether it be poured from a word of affirmation or a good deed to make things easier for another, choosing kindness goes so far.

This month, in our Scentsy group, we are going to be focusing on kindness. This focus is often saved for November when we take time to reflect on things we are grateful for, but we don't want to wait. We want to start sharing good right now.

You see, choosing kindness, showing kindness, has to be done with intention. We have to choose to put aside the way we might feel that day or that it maybe isn't second nature and decide that we will be the good in someone else's life. In big or small ways.

Much like showing affirmation and celebration for another's goodness, showing kindness has a 'Jesus, fish and loaves' way of reproducing in huge ways. Whether in filling our own heart's cup or in inspiring the same actions in others. It simply feels good for everyone involved.

So this month, every day, we will be issuing a challenge to our team that will encourage them to be the kind in someone's day. Intentional, purposeful kind. Both to help build up their hearts, but also their businesses.

31 days of changing our communities in small ways that will hopefully leave big impact.

What could your October look like if you did the same? How could your mindset be challenged to begin looking arrows out instead of arrows in? In other words, seeing the world around you and how you can make it better rather than the other way around.

Let this be your challenge to do this alongside of us. A call to action if you will. To write the thank you card, to make the donation, to hold the door, to put the shopping cart back, to leave a small gift for your delivery guy, to drop off food to someone in need, to volunteer at your school, to be the kind. Yes, even to the jerks. ;) That just might be even more contagious.

There is enough to go around...

Last week a friend and I were talking about our roles as leaders and one of the greatest joys in that role being cheering others on. It is an amazing feeling to celebrate other and their accomplishments. Both in life and in their business.

In our conversation, we talked about how unfortunate it is that we have created this culture in our teams and how it should just be the way things are. It shouldn't have to be a purposeful choice to celebrate those around us, but instead, second nature.

She then said something that struck me. Paraphrasing, she said, "I think people, especially women, think that there is only so much affirmation to go around and if they give any up, they're taking value away from themselves."

Ya'll.

Chew on that.

Can you see this being true in the people around you? What about yourself? Are we quicker to hold onto our praise and affirmation like it's not a renewable resource or are we eager give it away like it flows from a never ending stream?


This same conversation arose in my chats with my daughter's last week as they talked about things that happened at school.
One was "jealous" of how artsy a friend of hers was. She used the word jealous and so I dove right in to strip the word away. I asked her if she was jealous or if she just really admired his ability because those are two different things. Jealousy wishes others didn't have what they have, but you had it instead. Admiration appreciates what others have. I encouraged her to not look at his ability with jealousy, but with conscious admiration. Instead of "I wish I could do that" why not say. "man, I'm so proud that my friend has that gift!" and then work hard to learn more about it if that's what you'd like to be better at.

With my oldest, the situation was different. A friend bought a new thing that my daughter thought was super cool. My daughter asked the girl if she be offended if she got the same thing. The reply was, "Yes, because you'd just be copying and you'd just try to be better than me at it" That really bothered K because it wasn't coming from a place of trying to copy or 1-up. It was from a place of inspired. We talked about how different that conversation would had been if the other person saw K's admiration of the item as a "I'm so glad I inspired you to want to do this too!" and took pride in that facet instead of instant jealousy or implied competition.

Imagine if we all looked at things this way.
Imagine if we became free givers of applause and encouragement.
What if we quit looking at people like "copy cats" and just felt encouraged that we inspired something in them?
Because here is the absolute truth.

There IS enough love to go around.

The incredible author and motivational speaker Bob Goff puts it like this...

And yes, encouragement, affirmation, cheering others on are all forms of love.

Imagine what your day, your workplace, your home, social media would look like if we stopped withholding it based on our own insecurities?

Can I tell you what will happen? Your cup will become filled to the brim! When you pour these things out into others and experience the joy it brings them, it will replenish the cup from which you poured it from.

A friend the other day, after a hard run, posted on Facebook saying, "I don't do this very often, but I'm really proud of myself because I set a new personal best..."

What struck me about her statement was that she was hesitant to share a success because she thought it was ill mannered to celebrate herself! Is this where we are? Are we so scared of other people judging out intention that we won't even pat ourselves on the back for a job well done? Forget that! I told her to shout it from the rooftops! She SHOULD be proud! That was a big deal! There IS enough celebration to go around!

So today, this is what I want to challenge you with. If you are not a natural "words of affirmation" user, start becoming intentional about celebrating others. Big things, small things, everything in between. You don't have to fake it. Just share your sincere applause as if it were your kid or best friend achieving something great.
Give credit where credit is due.
Become someones best cheerleader.
Appreciate their strengths.
Audibly believe in them.
Spend the next 5 days looking for ways to encourage or pat someone on the back. In your home, for strangers, in your office, in your team, pour it out.
Then, take stock for what it does to your heart. Did it fill your cup as I promised? Did you find yourself shifting from a place of jealousy and pride (miserable) to a place of joy? I bet you do.

You can't retire on love.

There IS enough to go around.

The Badge of Busyness...

The first time I heard this phrase, I was so offended. 😆 I mean, who wears being busy like a badge? Like an award of honor? No one does...right?
Wrong.
I do. You do. We all do.
"What do you mean?" You ask?
Think about your last week's worth of social media posts. How many of them noted your running like crazy between ball games or school or work or meetings? How many listed the lengthy schedule you accomplished that day? How many invites did you decline with the explanation of "I've got too much to do?"


Now, there isn't anything particularly wrong with this, per say. It doesn't REALLY harm anything, right? No, not really (except some can make it quite the annoying 1-upping game), but what if there is an area of your life where it IS actually hurting you?

If you're the owner of a small business, home based, MLM, direct sales, whatever you want to call it, flashing this badge can be quite detrimental to your goals.

While in one post or message you ask for friends or customers to book a party or host a fundraiser or even join your team so you can joyfully mentor them along the way, you're making another post talking about how exhausted you are and how you can't take anything else on without drowning.

See what's happening there? You just told those same people you're too busy for them.

Let me give you another example. Say I need to get my car detailed and I have a friend who does that for a living. I hop on their social media to send a quick message to set an appointment, but in the meantime, see that they're talking about how swamped they are, how they're running from her to there and how they feel like they have no time. Do you think I'll feel inclined to send them a message to set that appointment? No way. Because now I've moved from feeling like I was supporting them, to being one more 'to do' on their list & adding to their overwhelmed feeling. Nobody wants to be that person, right?

In my role in my Scentsy business, if I'm sharing the join opportunity and my desire to lead others to reaching their goals, but talk about how tired I am all the time, what am I really saying to those possibly thinking about joining? Possibly, that they would really be more of a burden than the blessing they really would be.

The truth is we are ALL busy. All of us. We are busy with different things, yes, but we all have schedules that sometimes seem impossible to juggle and sometimes actually are. Some of us manage time well and some not so much, yet, for some reason, we flash our busyness around like we are most definitely busier than anyone else could possibly be, instead of just agreeing that we all have our own crazy to manage. Hence, becoming a badge we were maybe all too proudly.

What if instead, we just learned to handle that busy. We were better about that time management or delegating and left our social media world to things that supported our end goal instead of self sabotaging it.
What if we agreed that we all had schedules that were nuts, mostly by our own choosing, because we have WAY more control over it than we want to take responsibility for, but left the details off the forum that we use to grow a business with.

I will never tell someone what to post and what not to post on their social media. Free speech and all, but I think it's so important for us to be prudent, especially when running a business, to carefully consider what we do share and truly decide whether or not that one post could be helping us build a better business or, inadvertently, making it fall apart.

Does your post encourage people to let you serve them & their need of your business?
Does another post contradict that desire?

Let's not make people feel guilty for letting us serve them. Instead, let it be something we urge on.

Today, let's agree to wear the badge of busyness no longer. There is no honor in being busy. Busy is normal. It is what it is. Instead, let's be purposeful in all we say and do knowing that the dreams we are chasing call for us to be intentional & not just busy.

Wishes alone won't work...

Wait, what? But you're a dreamer! Don't dreamers believe is making wishes?"
I am, but friend, those are not the same thing. At all.
You see, a dreamer is someone who sees possibility, who looks beyond what's right in front of them to what could be. A dreamer is one who doesn't feel limited by circumstances or past failures. A dreamer may hit a roadblock, but will then figure out a new way to ramp that sucker and fly over it. They are eager to learn how to accomplish their goals instead of being defeated by the hiccups. Well, that's my definition anyway. A dream chaser, which is the official title I've given myself, is even more aggressive in going after what they want. They know that their goals and their dreams, are their responsibility.

A wisher, well, a wisher is a little more passive. They may be hopeful, wishing things were different,  but don't do a whole lot about it. They say, " I wish I had a better job", but sit hopeless and empty in the same cubicle every day, never filling out applications elsewhere. A wisher doesn't tend to take much responsibility in their roll in their own dreams. They just simply wish things were different, but that's as far as it goes.

So how does one go from simply being a wisher to a dream, or better yet, dream chaser?

Well, first they have to know that whatever they are wishing for, has all the possibility of coming true. Not by luck or throwing a penny in a fountain or yes, even wishing on a star, but by a determination set in their heart to be the one to set the wheels in motion.


Want a better marriage? Learn about each other better. Actively love the other well. Their love language may not be yours, so figure it out and fill their cup in that way. Then, watch as your cup begins to fill.

Want to be a better parent? Love your kids. Hear their concerns & remember what it was like at that age where not getting to sit at one particular lunch table was soul crushing. Empathize. Spend one on one time with them. Don't give them their space. Fill it with reassurance that it will all be ok.

Want a better job? Get online, fill out the applications. Tweak your resume. Go back to school or even learn a new trade. Go after the opportunity, even if it's scary.

Want better fitting clothes? Put down the sugar. Get moving. Even if it's silly, like hula hooping, get your heart rate up & fuel your body with foods that will give you the energy to make it through the day. (or go buy they clothes you should really be fitting into instead of the size you want to be so you can be comfortable in the meantime)

Want better friendships? Be a better listener than you are a talker. Remind your friends of their value. Celebrate the great stuff in their lives, even the littlest of these things and comfort them during the hard stuff. Don't pull away. Press in.

Want a better Scentsy business? Show up. Learn something new every day. Make the calls. Send the emails. Make the samples. Set goals. Know where you are headed & make a path to get you there.

We could go on and on. Better car? Save the money. Bigger house? Work on your credit. Do you see where I'm going here?

"A dream is a wish your heart makes..." and "When you wish upon a star..." are both lyrics from two of my  most favorite songs, so don't get me wrong, I am not "anti-wisher."
Wishing isn't the enemy, complacency  is.
We should see a wish, that first glimmer of something our heart desires, as a seed to be planted.
Like any seed, it needs to be rooted in good soil, fed and watered, so it can grow. Not just thrown into a well. Wishes, when well taken care of, turn into dreams that become chaseable and dreams chased well, become your reality.

So today, I want to challenge you to look at what it is you're wishing for in life. What can you begin to do today to begin to tend to that seed and turn it into a chaseable dream? Write it down. Look at it every day. Make it happen.

The Mondayest Monday ever and it's only 8am...

Oh friends, it is. It's most definitely a Monday.
I'm not usually one to shy away from a Monday. I actually like them quite a bit. I love new beginnings, new chances to get done what I couldn't last week. I get the house back in order on Mondays, catch up on my role as a leader on Mondays.. it's always a fresh start.
But not today.
Today, it is the Mondayest Monday ever and it's only 8 am.

In our house, we prep for the next day, the night before. Since yesterday was a Sunday, I encouraged my girls early in the afternoon to get their clothes set out, gym bags together & asked (again) if homework was done. 30 minutes before bedtime, I double checked just to be sure everything was done. Assurance is what I got in return. Everything was ready for Monday.

Except it wasn't.

One daughter, K, who did have her things together, had (what I like to call) "dragon hiney" today. Slow as molasses & kept waiting for others to be out of her way before she did the next thing she needed to take care of. For instance, sister was in the bathroom, she needed to use it, so she waited on her bed...instead of using the second bathroom or putting her bags in the car etc. She could have been getting further ahead if she had just done something else while waiting instead of sitting stagnant.

My second daughter, A, put on her clothes in a timely manner (although she is wearing leggings and winter boots on possibly the hottest day of August, but whatever), but then as we were minutes from walking out the door, told me she needed help with her homework.

Ya'll. I can't even.
But, in an effort to keep things moving, I calmly try and help her figure it out (quickly). I heard the words, "I don't know!" 500 times in that 3 minutes and a bonus "I shouldn't even be in 5th grade! I don't even know how to spell biscuits right!" Things were beginning to go downhill. My patience about to snowball with it.
I calmly helper her finish her paper, got it in her bag, ushered her to the car and reminded K that we needed to leave NOW.

Head to the garage where A starts losing her ever loving marbles because she can't find her gym bag.
Friends I can't even find the appropriate emoji to cleverly place here. K has to be to the ball field in 3 minutes, she's not even in the car and now we have a missing gym bag??? That should have been prepped YESTERDAY! I. can't. even.

I send A back inside with her dad to find her bag while I take K to the field (who was 3 minutes late), come back to get A (who never found her bag) and get her to school. On the way, A lamented about how she would get in trouble for not having her bag for PE as tears dripped down her face. What I've left out here is how I totally lost my cool, yelled & reiterated my HUGE disappointment in how this supposedly "prepared morning" was going.

Again, Mondayest Monday.

So what does this have to do with business? Your business? My business?

It has everything to do with it.

How could all of this been avoided? How SHOULD this Monday have started? Smoothly. It should have started quietly, simply and easily. The girls should have prepped for today yesterday like they knew they should have. Checking bags, laying out clothes, & making sure homework was done. That was their job. A little preparation to make sure they were ready to handle their responsibilities. See where I'm going here?

Sometimes friends, we are the one putting those obstacles in our own way. We don't take the time to prepare for the day, for our business, for our dreams. We decide to wing it and then get frustrated when nothing goes as unplanned.
Or, we sit and wait for people or things to get out of our way instead of doing other things that will get us closer to where we want to be in the meantime. All of it is our choice. We can blame circumstances or other people all we want, but our dreams aren't their responsibility. They're ours.

The truth is you cannot have a successful business or a successful life without preparation, focus and willingness to change things up when one way of doing things gets blocked. I've never heard of anyone "accidentally" getting a degree, paying off debt, or earning a promotion.
 It is all done by knowing what you need to get you where you want to go.

So while our Monday has started off in disorder and crazy, the good news is, it doesn't have to stay that way. In our house, we have "restarts". At any time in the day, we can restart, forgive what's happened before and move on like it was never a hot mess of madness. On the car ride to the field, K and I talked about how to do things better & A and I forgave each other's impatience & I sent them to school with restarts in their pockets.
The same applies for where you are right now.
If things haven't been going right today, this weekend or this month- call a restart. You have a new week to grab hold of, to prep for, to conquer.
Don't wing it. Don't wait for other people to get out of your way. Go take care of yourself, your business and your future. Own it. Step up. Know what you need to get to where you are going and for goodness sakes, please make sure your homework is done. 😉
-Amanda

How to be the rule breaker...

Yesterday I shared with you the stirring drive within my heart to show others how to "break the rules" and promised I'd be back today to share with you how to do just that.

As a refresher, I'm not talking about ACTUAL rules, because the rules I'm talking about aren't actual at all. These aren't speed limits & "don't touch a hot stove". They are rules placed on us by family history, a bad teacher, a "friend" or even ourselves outlying what we are or are not capable of.
That we aren't smart enough for....
Capable enough for...
We will only ever have.... because that's all anyone in our family has ever had.
Pick your poison. Whatever your "rules" are, it's time to break them at the cost of taking responsibility of your dreams and chasing them.

Now I mentioned that I'd be showing you how break the rules you've been held back by and to do that, you have to start with recognizing the role you play in those rules. You've, so far, accepted them as your reality and today, that stops. Today, you'll change your whole way of thinking and as you make conscious choices every single day to chase your dreams, you'll keep all of the following in mind. Are you ready? Here we go...

1. Live with gratitude, not entitlement
2. Forgive others instead of holding a grudge
3. Give people credit for (and celebrate) their victories instead of being jealous
4. Pass out compliments like candy and keep criticism in your pocket.
5. Learn something new every day instead of "knowing it all" already.
6. Talk about ideas of how to make your community better, instead of other people
7. Openly cheer on those around you instead of secretly hoping they will fail
8. Share your knowledge and your gifts instead of holding them for ransom
9. Keep a list of goals instead of a list of failures
10. Exude joy, not anger or bitterness
11. Embrace change instead of fearing it
12. Read or listen to a book on a topic you love instead of watching TV
13. Take a chance on an opportunity instead of living with "what if..."
14. Share your story, because others need to hear it. Even if it's hard.

Now you're probably reading this list and wondering where are the tips on getting others to make your life better aren't you? Sorry. That's not what this is about. This is about the power YOU have to flip the script, to change the channel, to stop living by the rules that you've been bound by, because friends, that's where it really lies. In you.

So start today. Pick one or 5 of these things and start making changes. Show the world that you are brave enough, strong enough, strong enough and fiesty enough to pick up your dreams and run with them. No matter what's happened every single day leading up to this one.
Because this one is the one that is going to change it all.
All because YOU chose to break the rules.

Be the "rule" breaker...

Living in a small, rural town in Oklahoma of just about 2,000 people, you see it often and I'm sure you've see it where you live too. It's common. Too common. 
The poverty mentality. 
Generation after generation living a life of constant struggle.
The idea that "grandma was broke, momma was broke and so I'll be broke too."
"Grandpa had nothing, daddy had nothing and I'll have nothing too."
"They weren't smart, so I can't be smart and my kids have no hope."

It's a dream crushing, imagination squashing, living outside of God's promises way to think. 
And it breaks my heart. 

I also see it in our business.
People in our team and in customers who have signed some invisible "contract" in their lives to just live their days miserable, broken and well below what they are capable of.
All because "that's just the way it is" and that "rule" keeps them from pursuing a life well lived. 

But wait. 
What if it's not true?
What if that isn't just the way it has to be?
What if you could break that "rules" of leading a life that is in constant turmoil and struggle?
Because you can.
You absolutely can.
You just have to do it. 
Did you hear that? YOU HAVE TO DO IT!

Years ago, it was said that it was not humanly possible for the body to run a mile under 4 minutes. Experts weighed in, runners gave it a go (even having bulls chase them to spur them along) and it just wasn't happening. 

As runner's persisted in chasing this goal, a record was finally set in the 1940's to 4:01. 
Not under 4 minutes, but 4:01. That record held for 9 years. It was never going to happen. No one would ever run a mile under 4 minutes. Generations before couldn't make it happen, so why would generations after even bother?
Everyone knew it wasn't possible.

Except Roger Bannister.

On May 6th, 1954, Roger decided that it could be done and he would be the one to do it.
Taking responsibility for his dreams and waiting on no one else to do it for him, Roger ignored the "rules" that it couldn't be done and ran a mile in 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds. 
Record broken. Forever in the history books. His life changed as he finally grasped what so many before could never grab hold of.

Even more important is what followed. 
Once the record was broken by Roger, others started doing it too. First, just a few and then more. Now, over 60 years later, there are high school students running 4 minute miles. A feat history told them wasn't even possible is done every single day, all over the world. 
Why? Because one person changed their mindset. 
One person didn't follow the "this is how it's always been" thought.
One person took responsibility for their dreams and made it happen.
And the rest of the world saw IT WAS possible after all. 

You have to become the rule breaker in your own life. You know, the "rules" that you'd always have and be nothing? Yeah, I'm giving you full on permission to break them. 

Just because the generations before you couldn't see possibility and hope, doesn't mean you have to be tied to the same demise. That is solely the way your mind has been programmed. 
Psst....You can change the channel. 

Change the channel not just for your life or your finances or your dreams. Change it for the generations who will come after you. Be the one who shows the rest of them what's possible. Give them permission to do the same!

If you intend to do anything great with your life, it starts with you, not anyone else.
And it's starts today, not tomorrow. It starts by letting go of what others have told you that you are capable or not capable of. It starts by choosing to stop being fine with just settling for a mediocre life.
It starts by taking responsibility for your dreams, changing the channel and running after them just like Roger chased that 4 minute mile.

Henry Ford once said  “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
Today, which will it be? 

Tomorrow, I'm going to post again and share with you ways to battle this mindset. Challenging you to change it does no good unless I give you tools to do so, right?
To make sure you don't miss it, be sure to subscribe to our blog.

Until then, Happy Dream Chasing.- Amanda

Be the joy...

Sometimes that is easier said than done, right? To be the joy in the lives of those around you.

In our business, the business of customer service, this can be one of the greatest tools you could possibly have in your pocket. To be the joy in the lives of your customers.

"What does that even mean?" you ask? "I'm just here to take their order and deliver their products" you say?

Oh, but you can do and be so much more.

Being joy in the lives of your customers means being the person who they love to do business with because the experience they have with you always leaves them feeling awesome. The "Chick Fil A" experience if you will.

A smile. A thank you. A "my pleasure!"

But it goes beyond just this.

It's recognizing that because your two lives are intersected because of your business, you have the opportunity to do life WITH your customer. Now, this doesn't mean you need to be all up in their business and know every intricate detail of said life.  We aren't talking stalker here, but what we are talking about is going beyond just a sales transaction. Showing your customer that because they invest you in, you're willing to invest in them.

To celebrate their highs & recognize the lows. To be gracious and generous and appreciative of what they bring to the table. That every interaction with your customer leaves them better than when they came. That you, with intention, do or say something that reminds then why they can't imagine doing business with anyone else. This could all be said for your role as a leader. The two aren't very far apart at all. It comes down to joy.


"So how do I do that?" I'm glad you asked.

You give handwritten thank you cards. You say 'Happy Birthday!' You celebrate new babies or jobs or graduations. You offer condolences or prayers when their hearts are aching. You bring laughter & goodness on Facebook instead of grouchy complaints or "shares" of ugliness. You smile or say hello when you pass them at Target. You tie up their packages with beautiful ribbon making each order a gift, even if it's just for themselves. You be the joy.

One of my favorite quotes from Walt Disney is this...

Be the joy and do it well. While goodies and giveaways and samples are all great, YOU are truly your greatest billboard when it comes to your business. Your product is amazing, no doubt, but people come back because of what YOU can give them. An experience they can't get many other places. 

Being the joy won't always be easy either. 

When we have our own tough stuff going on, pouring good into those around us can feel daunting. But, my friend, when you choose joy, even in those moments, and you share that joy with others, not only will you see a shift in your business as your customers come back for more and bring their friends along too, but what you'll find is that in being the joy for those around you, your own cup will begin to overflow. It will be inevitable. 

Be the joy.

Happy dream chasing.

-Amanda

Frontline Binder System

One of the best parts of my job is loving on my team. One way I do this is by keeping a Frontline Binder for every person in my direct team (meaning there is not a director between them an I).
Here is an example:

When a new consultant joins, as a part of their welcome message, I ask for this information you see above with the explanation that I like to send fun mail for different occasions.
I keep a stack printed out and in my binder so they are always ready to go.
Once filled out, I file in it alphabetical order in my binder. (This makes it easy for quick reference).
Each month, during the first week of the month, I pull my binder out and can easily flip through each page seeing who has a wedding anniversary, birthday, Scentiversary (the day they joined Scentsy) or if their spouse or children has a birthday in that month. I also like to send cards for other life events (wedding, babies) and seasonal events like the start of school or Christmas.
 I list dates in numbers (I.E. 8/6/2018) so I can look for the number corresponding to the current month. Speeds up the process that much more.

I use the lower half of the file to make notes throughout the month. This could include goals, obstacles or life stuff I see going on  that I want to be able to reference next time we talk. It's important for me to know these things so I'm not asking them to say, host an open house when they're in the middle of moving.

Another convenient aspect of this binder is that I can take it and my postcard box with me wherever I am. This means that I can work in the car rider line at school, at Panera, or even just over on the couch. Because I have all of their info right in front of me, I don't have to run reports or filter through the workstation for their address and so on.

It has become one of my favorite tools for my business and I'm sharing it HERE for you to use as well, should you like. If you're looking for a better to build connection and "stickiness" between you and your team, start here. When your team feels and sees you invested in their non-business life, they will become more invested in their business life.

(The file is a Word document, so you will need Microsoft Word or Open Office to view it.)

Happy Dream Chasing!
Amanda

I see you...

I do.
Every single one of you.
And I think about you.
About what could have been had you seen it in you too.
Had you been willing to give it more time, more attention, more heart.
If you'd quit listening to the outside voices and the inside voices too that told you this wouldn't work.
I think about the bills you could have paid off. The trips you could have taken. The lives you would have changed. The stories you would have had a hand in creating.
I see momma's who wanted better for their kids. I see women who desired connection & friendship. I see wanderers who couldn't wait to travel the world.
I see moments where past failures tainted the new opportunity.
Where self doubt spoiled the brewing potential.
Where mismanaged time become "I don't have enough of it."
I see you.
And it makes my heart ache.
Because it's in those moments, when I see you "checking out" of your dreams that I wonder what would have happened if those before me had done the same.
If the ones who pursued better for their own self had "checked out" before I had the chance to see what it could do for me.
Would we be here or would we still be swimming drowning debt & "insufficient funds" notices?
Would I still be lonely and depressed & aching for connection?
Would my daughter's have an example of doing things differently in their lives?
Would my marriage have even survived?
Would we have made it to new countries or even across our own?
Would we be living here? Driving this? Doing these things?
Would I even be a dreamer anymore?
What would have happened?

But they didn't. They didn't quit.
They pursued, pressed on & tried harder.
They worked for 'yes' when all they were getting were 'no'.
They ignored the "that will never work" and showed them that it would.
They did not check out on their dreams, but chased them with roaring passion.
Because they knew they were worth it. No matter the cost. No matter the fleeting moments of disappointment. No matter how long it would take. No matter what hills had to be climbed or what awkward "come to Jesus" moments it took with a leader who loved them.
They saw something in them that fueled them forwards and somewhere down the line, I saw it in me too. The hope for something greater and the courage to chase it.

So I see you.
and I still cheer for you.
And I still wonder what could have been...
If you'd only see it in you too.

Falling down the rabbit hole...

The struggle is so real. Am I right? The struggle to feel like you're doing a good job.

Like you're valuable.

Like you're enough.

Like people like you.

And it doesn't just stick to one area, does it? It's spreads like a disease that moves from how you're parenting, how well you're doing your job, if you're contributing well enough your friendships, loving your spouse enough and even how we view our bodies.

Then the enemy comes in with what seems to be the world's largest magnifying glass. Even the areas you feel like you have under control seem to start showing wear. LOOK HERE! he says. Showing you every tiny failure as though you've just doomed all man kind.

The struggle is real.

I've recently had a few experiences that have made me fight spiraling down into the realm of nonsense. In my family, we call this falling down the rabbit hole. An Alice in Wonderland reference. Some small, some bigger, but the end game the same. The argument in my head of whether the thoughts floating around were true and worth hanging on to or lies of the enemy that needed to be thrown in the trash can as soon as they came across my mental "desk". File 13'd if you will. The troublesome fact is that often, not much trash gets taken out. Instead, I hold on to it like a hoarder or all the things. Today has been one of those days. A few very separate moments that I've rabbit holed into one big "I'm doing nothing right" wad.

Here is an example of what has ensued lately when I step too close to the hole.

(insert Alice yelling "Bye Dina!" as she tumbles through the dark)

"Am I a good enough leader? Am I inspiring my team? Do they even like me? What if they don't like me, but are just dealing with me because it's all they've got? I mean, if I was, this, this, and this would be different. I must really be messing up."

"I saw so and so at the store today. They didn't even acknowledge me. I wonder what I did? Do they think I did something? I wonder if they're talking about me behind my back? What are they saying? That's not even true (my answer to my made up theories about made up gossip)."

"Man I'm messing up this mom thing? I mean, if I wasn't my kids wouldn't be so hard headed and talk back, right? They would be gentle and kind and show the manners I'm working to teach them. They'd pick up their clothes and wouldn't fight or use their wit to throw word darts at each other. Practical princesses. But they're not and it's my fault."

And then the most pathetic one of all. Ready for it?

"Why isn't anyone commenting on my FB post? I mean, it's helpful and funny and all the things, but no one even liked it. Maybe it's me. Maybe they don't like what I post and so they just keep scrolling wishing they could somehow delete me without me knowing"'

Friends. If my daughter had those thoughts about some social media post she'd made I'd have to resist the urge to pop her upside her head and ask why on earth she was associating her value with thumbs ups and passing comments. So stupid. So so stupid. 

But I did it. 

And you do it too, don't you?

I think as a woman, this is so common, but I dare not say that men don't also fight the same battle, but in silence. The fight for self worth and learning to fully disconnect the lines we mistakenly draw between every day life stuff and who we are.

The fact is, leadership doesn't always come with reassurance and we have to be okay with that.

Sometime people have stuff and don't see you. Legit don't see you and how selfish of us to decide it's all about us. Like maybe they have other stuff going on. Hard stuff. So selfish.

A dirty towel on the floor doesn't mean you're breeding serial killers.

"Likes" don't equal love.

So how do we fight back? How do we quiet the voice of despair and let truth scream louder?

How do we stop just before following the rabbit down his hole?

I mean he is awful cute. Stopwatch and all. But alas, what follows when we get too close to the hole is we inevitably tumble down it's treacherous dark spaces with a world of chaos and confusion at the end. A place where nonsense is King. 

I think the first part is to protect yourself from even getting that close.  When the thoughts and ideas begin, to immediately treat them like some obnoxious balloon and pop them. Not today balloon! Not Today.

Second, I think we need to recognize how upside down those thoughts are. Even Alice saw it. 

Those thoughts that turn into other thoughts and spiral out of control are typically 99% false, but we've given them a crumb of truth and let them swallow us whole. Look at those thoughts and truly break them down. Instead of focusing on what you think you've done wrong or why you don't think you're good enough, flip the mirror, so it's right side up. 

Why do you do right? Many things I'm sure. 

What are you good at? So, so much.

Do you lead with your team's dreams and best interest in mind? Then you're enough. Good job!

Are you respectful of others, treat them well and stay out of gossip? Then you're enough! Bravo!

Do you teach your kids to love people, show compassion and work hard? Then who cares about the wet towel! You're killing this parenting thing!

Is what you posted on social media something that encourages, makes people laugh or inspires? Then does it really matter if they hit that dumb thumbs up button? You've made Facebook a brighter place instead of adding to it's darkness. I applaud you!

Greater than all of this, though, we need to remember in Who's image we've been created. Whether you're a believer or not, I fully trust that you and I both were created from a loving Father who thinks we are pretty fantastic and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

And His Word is filled with the reminders of how valuable we are. Not how valuable WE THINK we are. How truly, unequivocally for certain, for sure, no questions asked, VALUABLE we are.  Does this mean you'll wake up tomorrow with never having to deal with self worth issues again? No. But it should remind you that you can fight back. With an arsenal of promises from His word and the ability to flip the mirror. To recognize the false and ridiculous thoughts that begin to fill our heads like a bucket of water. To quickly drive holes in that bucket to help them fall right back out again.

That's where our power lies.

So tomorrow, should you indeed wake up, or maybe you're even struggling today, with thoughts about everything you're messing up or doing wrong. Stop. I'll stop with you.

Take a step back (away from the hole, flip the mirror and remind yourself of what you're doing right.

Change the perspective, focus on the good, nay, even great, and give yourself some credit.

That rabbit is cute and all and tea time looks sort of fun, but that Queen of Hearts is waiting for you and she's only after your head heart. Don't even bother to show up.