In our conversation, we talked about how unfortunate it is that we have created this culture in our teams and how it should just be the way things are. It shouldn't have to be a purposeful choice to celebrate those around us, but instead, second nature.
She then said something that struck me. Paraphrasing, she said, "I think people, especially women, think that there is only so much affirmation to go around and if they give any up, they're taking value away from themselves."
Ya'll.
Chew on that.
Can you see this being true in the people around you? What about yourself? Are we quicker to hold onto our praise and affirmation like it's not a renewable resource or are we eager give it away like it flows from a never ending stream?
This same conversation arose in my chats with my daughter's last week as they talked about things that happened at school.
One was "jealous" of how artsy a friend of hers was. She used the word jealous and so I dove right in to strip the word away. I asked her if she was jealous or if she just really admired his ability because those are two different things. Jealousy wishes others didn't have what they have, but you had it instead. Admiration appreciates what others have. I encouraged her to not look at his ability with jealousy, but with conscious admiration. Instead of "I wish I could do that" why not say. "man, I'm so proud that my friend has that gift!" and then work hard to learn more about it if that's what you'd like to be better at.
With my oldest, the situation was different. A friend bought a new thing that my daughter thought was super cool. My daughter asked the girl if she be offended if she got the same thing. The reply was, "Yes, because you'd just be copying and you'd just try to be better than me at it" That really bothered K because it wasn't coming from a place of trying to copy or 1-up. It was from a place of inspired. We talked about how different that conversation would had been if the other person saw K's admiration of the item as a "I'm so glad I inspired you to want to do this too!" and took pride in that facet instead of instant jealousy or implied competition.
Imagine if we all looked at things this way.
Imagine if we became free givers of applause and encouragement.
What if we quit looking at people like "copy cats" and just felt encouraged that we inspired something in them?
Because here is the absolute truth.
There IS enough love to go around.
The incredible author and motivational speaker Bob Goff puts it like this...
And yes, encouragement, affirmation, cheering others on are all forms of love.
Imagine what your day, your workplace, your home, social media would look like if we stopped withholding it based on our own insecurities?
Can I tell you what will happen? Your cup will become filled to the brim! When you pour these things out into others and experience the joy it brings them, it will replenish the cup from which you poured it from.
A friend the other day, after a hard run, posted on Facebook saying, "I don't do this very often, but I'm really proud of myself because I set a new personal best..."
What struck me about her statement was that she was hesitant to share a success because she thought it was ill mannered to celebrate herself! Is this where we are? Are we so scared of other people judging out intention that we won't even pat ourselves on the back for a job well done? Forget that! I told her to shout it from the rooftops! She SHOULD be proud! That was a big deal! There IS enough celebration to go around!
So today, this is what I want to challenge you with. If you are not a natural "words of affirmation" user, start becoming intentional about celebrating others. Big things, small things, everything in between. You don't have to fake it. Just share your sincere applause as if it were your kid or best friend achieving something great.
Give credit where credit is due.
Become someones best cheerleader.
Appreciate their strengths.
Audibly believe in them.
Spend the next 5 days looking for ways to encourage or pat someone on the back. In your home, for strangers, in your office, in your team, pour it out.
Then, take stock for what it does to your heart. Did it fill your cup as I promised? Did you find yourself shifting from a place of jealousy and pride (miserable) to a place of joy? I bet you do.
You can't retire on love.
There IS enough to go around.
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