It's not me...It's you.

I have a big imagination. Like really big. When you tell me a story or I read something, I am already painting this big, huge picture in my mind down to the very last detail. Colors, sounds, smells...everything. I'm putting myself there.

With that imagination also comes very vivid dreaming.
I dream every. single. night.
 Dreams I can remember when I wake up. All in color (which apparently isn't common?) All meticulously detailed. I even hear music and wake up singing it.

 I didn't realize that not everyone dreamt every night until talking to my husband and kids one day. They said they only dream every once in a while. "What?!" I exclaimed. I don't even know what it would be like to sleep and not have a dream. They can be hilarious, heartwarming, full of adventure, exhausting and even scary. Sometimes I really struggle with separating them with reality when I end up in that weird in-between wake and sleep state. (my poor husband)
Secretly, part of me would love to do a sleep study just to see what my brain waves look like on paper overnight.
The worst part of this over active imagination, combined with my overthinking most everything, is the trouble is causes me when I'm awake.


You see, this terrible combination makes me quite the over thinker. Not just an over thinker, but an over thinker who thinks of worst case scenario in most situations. Shocking, right? Because I'm a pretty optimistic person, but it's not because I'm afraid those things will actually happen, but because I walk through the "what would I do if..." so I'm not caught unprepared if something does happen (control issues much?).

 It also means that when my feelings are hurt, I don't hear from a friend for a few days, I think I receive a strange look from someone or Josh doesn't answer his phone, that I have already come up with 5 possible story lines. The who, what, when, where and why. Crazy right? It's like I write the scripts to problems that don't even exist in reality.

I caught myself doing this hardcore the last few days while I was struggling with some stuff. Some things I wrote about in the last few blogs, but some I didn't.  One particular situation was the most haunting. I say haunting because haunting defined means "to remain in the consciousness; not easily forgotten". It's all I thought about. It was even making it's way into my dreams.  Is it something I should handle? Maybe not. Do they even care? Of course they care! But what if they don't? What if they're over it/me? I bet they think this. I bet they're saying this. I should say this, but if I do, then they'll say this and then this will happen. All the what if's. I lost sleep, lost my temper, felt trapped inside my head and I think I legitimately caused myself an ulcer.

People. I'm should be certifiably crazy.
But here's the good news...I'm not. It's not me...It's him.

As I mentioned yesterday, we often don't give the enemy enough credit for the torment we go through whether self inflicted or not. I chewed on this specific topic for DAYS letting it slowly eat away at me and my self worth, until after I wrote that blog yesterday and then read it again, just like you did. It was then it hit me. It wasn't me...it was him.

My sweet Pastor's wife words echoed in my head. "Cast down imaginations." Wait! I CAN cast them down. Not only that, but if you continue reading that Scripture (2 Corinthians 10:5) it says, "And take CAPTIVE your thoughts. " I can not only tell those crazy thoughts to chill, but I can also take them captive! Yeah buddy! Oh what relief filled my soul.
Oh Satan...you're a jerk face. No more. My thoughts are mine. Not yours.
In that moment, I stopped and I prayed. I asked God to remind me that these thoughts weren't his and that anything set to tear me down wasn't anything of value or truth. To take those thoughts captive, give them to God and walk in obedience.

Imagination's can be a fantastic, beautiful thing, but they can also be damaging when out of control. I have spent days letting the enemy help me create all sorts of  junk that chipped away at my spirit, but them moment it clicked, I took back the control.  I became the Defeater again.
Sadly, that didn't mean the moments stopped flooding my brain, but what it did mean was that now I had the control over them and whether or not I'd let them flourish.  Now, the second one of these imaginations pops into my head, I say "nope". Literally. I do. :) I disregard them which takes the power they have over me away. The shorter their stay in my head, the smaller the impact they have. The longer I let them squat, they messier they make the place.

Today, I've seen a huge change. Those thoughts are still popping up, but I'm shutting them down just as fast. That situation they were about? Doesn't seem near as big anymore.  Why? Because 99% of it was made up anyway and I was the one making it up. The person involved has no clue I've spent days sick over it and they probably never will and that's okay. I have taken my thoughts captive. I'm the one in control

Dear friends, I need you to hear me on this. You could even consider this part 2 of yesterday's blog post. You don't have to let the enemy make you feel like trash. You don't have to let him whisper words of chaos, confusion, false imaginations into your ears. You don't have to let him  continue to tell you you're a failure, unloved, unworthy, dumb, ugly, fat...whatever it is for you.
Stand up for yourself. Ask God to show you when those moments are overtaking His plan for your life.
Let them devil know that it's not you, it's him...and he's got to go.

Even with all of that crazy, I would never wish away my imagination. 95% of the time, it's pretty fun and often useful, it's that tricky 5% that I've got to get in check.
 My only hope is to get a better hold on it. To know what imagined in this braing is simply the creative and slightly nutty person God has created me to be and not the lies the enemy wants me to believe.
I want the same for you.

Why the Pixie Dust?

In yesterday's post I shared with you the life verse that I plan on focusing on during this new year. Proverbs 31:25. That alone did a pretty good job of explaining the 'Proverbs' side of my blog name, but not so much the pixie dust.
You see, I love all things Disney. Legit. LOVE. And if you know anything about Disney is that pixie dust is one ingredient found in many of it's tales. Most notably as giving it's recipients the power to fly.
 It would be quite easy to think my love for Disney is the cartoon side of things. While I do adore Mickey and his friends, you won't come into my home and necessarily see big bright colors and animated characters filling the walls.
Instead, you'll see clever winks and nods hidden among the normal things. For instance, a small black silhouette of Jaq and Gus sneaking a key into a mouse hole hiding in our kitchen or a mangled fork sitting among some shells in a bowl. It's there, but you have to look for it.
What I love so much is the whimsy, the adventure, the imagination and the magic.
Most of all, I love what the whole Disney empire was born of. Walt, a seemingly ordinary man and his dream chasing heart.

Every one of us has dreams and if you're like me, you think of them often. Our dreams are all different. For some, it's grand adventure in the great wide somewhere (see what I did there) and for others, it may be building a family, getting that perfect job, buying the dream house or maybe even living a life free of debt. It could even be something different than any of these things, but we have them.
How often though, do we chase them? I mean full steam chase them instead of sitting around wishing and hoping? Very rarely, right? Because dream chasing is hard.

It's hard because it takes action and sometimes we don't know what that should look like.
It's hard because we're worried about what others will think about us and those dreams.
It's hard because what if we fail?

Walt Disney was a man made of dreams. Think any of these thoughts ever went through his mind? Of course...plus some. As he chased his own, he was repeatedly laughed at and not taken seriously. I mean, he was fired from one job for "lack of creativity". It's true. How demeaning it all must of felt.
There must have been moments where he felt straight up worthless and maybe even questioned what he was doing.
How many of us would have thought about quitting? How many of us just would have?
He probably thought about it...but he didn't. He continued, no matter the obstacles, in hot pursuit of his dreams.
He knew the value of his dreams were worth far beyond what the words or thoughts of others were. He knew his dreams were worth chasing no matter how many times he was told they were stupid.
He knew if he failed, he just needed to figure out another way to go at it.
He never gave up and look what he left behind.
An awe inspiring legacy.
Timeless memories made as families cuddle up on couches to watch a movie together.
Wonder filled eyes as one steps onto Main street of Magic Kingdom to see Cinderella's castle.
First words read in books of classic fairy tales reborn and new stories told teaching little ones they can be anything they want to be.
The reminder that our dreams can come true, if we only have the courage to pursue them.
That we be dream chasers too.

Dream chasing is a topic you'll hear me speak of often as I write. It's what I do daily through my business and help others do as I lead them in their own. To encourage them to fly instead of sitting idly and letting the world pass by.

So, yes, pixie dust. The ingredient that gives the ability to fly. The magic. The wonder. The imagination. The dream chasing.

Proverbs and Pixie Dust. Stepping boldly into 2017 with strength, dignity, laughing without fear of the future as we chase the dreams we've hidden in our hearts for too long.

After all...